I know you’ve heard the term stage 5 clinger, but have you actually experienced a stage 5 clinger? Perhaps you are thinking to yourself who wouldn’t want to be adored? orI bet being worshiped would be a nice change of pace!Well let me tell you, you are terribly mistaken.
Have I mentioned I am on a dating website? Well I am. I am not proud of it…at all. I created my dating profile about a year ago after one depressing night of Etsy Wedding browsing. After a few guys started showing interest I shut down my profile. I do not use dating websites as a way to meet men. No. Instead I use dating websites to boost my confidence, to feel wanted or interesting again. After a few e-mail exchanges with a fella I will delete him. Thanks pal, but I have other men who want to shower me with compliments, both on looks AND writing style!
So maybe you are asking “But Jayne, why are you on a dating website right now? You have a FWB!” Of course having a FWB is an incredible boost of confidence and very fulfilling, (it’s not, it’s the opposite.) but some nights, as I’m walking into my apartment at an ungodly hour, smelling of sex and cigarettes, I feel lonely. Of course my “friend” urges me to continue searching for Mr. Right, while having fun with him, I just don’t feel like playing the field.. so I go onto my dating website. With a few new updates, aka I graduated college!, I am back in the ego-search.
After a few failed conversations I received a message from Cameron. Cam was nice. His profile lacked creativity, interest, and mention of cats; however, I thought he seemed genuine. Cameron wrote to me so very poetically “Wow you are so beautiful wow your face is just so lovely.” Yep. Clearly he was so blown away by my beauty that he forget all about proper sentence structure and grammar rules. I thanked Cam for the ego boost, and within hours he gave me his number and the comment “I pray you text me.” Usually I reject accepting phone numbers from online daters. I simply keep communication limited to the dating website. This time around something was different. This time I was inspired to text Cameron on the hopes of him providing me with a good blog story. OH BUDDY, WAS I RIGHT! Cameron turned out to be a stage 5 clinger within two days of communication.
For your reading pleasure I have provided below the two day text exchange between me and Cameron. (Some boring parts have been edited out.)
Me: Your prayers have been answered, this is Jayne.
Cam: Oh wow I am happy now
Me: So what is your name?
(At this point I don’t know his actual name, just his dating profile name.)
Cam: Cameron nice to meet you angel
Cam: You are so very beautiful
**We exchange information, such as family size, college education, and music taste.
Cam: What do you do and I would like to say you are BEAUTIFUL once more
Me: I work in Recreation. And stop! No one is that pretty. I just take good pictures.
Cam: So damn beautiful like a bit of heaven on earth 🙂
Me: Goodness. But thanks.
Cam: Just you makes me happy
Me: So the big question. Why are you single?
(At this point I’m getting fed up and would really like him to make a genuine statement.)
Cam: I just don’t like anyone.Your the first since my wife
(!!!!!!!!WHAT!!!!!!!! (turns out he is widower…)
Cam: So tell me more about your beautiful self
Me: Well, I have a low self-esteem.
(I’m attempting to scare him off at this point.)
Cam: Well I’d like to build you up and support you and if you would give me a chance and I’d love to change your luck with guys by being the guy in your life
Me: That’s a bold statement! I appreciate what you’re saying, but let’s take this a little slower.
Cam: I agree I’m just a straight forward person I don’t beat around the bush that’s all
(You also think there is a monetary charge if you use commas/punctuation in texting.)
Cam then goes on about how many hours he works in a week and I comment on how exhausting that would be.
Cam:It is and I work lots of extra days but I’m done doing that I decided I want to start dating I want a nice girl to share my time with
(And share her skin?)
Cam: So how are you so lovely
Me: I’m not! I have you fooled.
Cam: Well I find you beautiful and amazing
Me: You don’t even know me!
Cam: Look I know enough to like you and your beautiful like the stars
Me: Maybe we can get coffee and I prove to you I’m a slob and awkward.
Cam: Or maybe you can fall for me
(IN ONE DATE??)
Cam: A man can hope
(What men hope a girl will fall for them on one date?)
Me: Hey, my phone is dying. TTYL.
Cam: Ok talk to you later beautiful ill be waiting
Cam (two hours later): Hi
Me: Sorry, going to bed now.
Cam: Well night beautiful I hope to hear back from you as soon as possible 🙂 Good night lovely
Cam (next day): Hi beautiful
Me: Hi Cam.
Cam: Woke up early hoping I had a text from you
Me: I’m at work.
Cam: Its ok so I can’t get your lovely face out of my mind 🙂
Me:… I think you are very kind, but you are coming on a little strong.
Cam: Sorry. I just like you and that’s a first since my wife I have no clue how the dating game works anymore I’m sorry look if you want ill leave you alone
(I ignored his text)
Cam (8 hours later): Hi
Cam (9 hours later): Hi
….Annnnnd he’s gone. For now.
Never have I experienced someone so terrifying. Complimenting is very nice. Over-complimenting is disingenuous and creepy. I’m going to keep Cameron in my phone for another week just in case he tries to text me again, and I won’t make the mistake of asking “Who is this?”
By the way, check out THIS text stalker I stumbled upon on Buzzfeed. It is frightening and awesome.