The Reason Rally and Sex Breakfast Tim


Where have I been for so long, you ask? I’ve been fricken’ busy that’s where.

My life became increasingly busy over the past couple of months to the point where updating my blog seemed like a chore. I have SO much to share with you and I think I’m going to do it in the most effective way…. by updating my blog once a week! Great idea, I know.

Last time I left you I was working at my new job, seeing my FWB A LOT, and basically loving life. Most of that still holds true. Most of it.

Let’s start with the best life-changing event I have ever been a part of, aside from attending President Obama’s inauguration. Same location, different reason; the reason: THE REASON RALLY!

On March 23rd I received an interesting text that would lead me to make a life-changing decision. I received a text from my FWB that read, “If you want to go to D.C. you should go now.” Confused, I text back “What? Why?” His response “Look it up on the internet.” Gee, thanks for that explanation. He never was one for words, or being chatty, or having clear communication at all.

Weeks prior I had expressed to my FWB my love of Washington D.C. I know what you’re thinking. The crime! The danger! Well, friends, I had been to D.C. exactly once before and I am in love. The architecture is amazing, the history is rich, and the atmosphere “seems” welcoming. Knowing all this my FWB casually informed me of a huge life-event that would be taking place on March 24th, 2012. The Reason Rally 2012. How have I never heard of this momentous event? Why didn’t my atheist friends tell me about it? Oh, I’m the only atheist in my group of friends? Never mind on the last question.

I became obsessed. Google + Reason Rally search = 5 hours of “work-time” consumed. I text my agnostic BGF (best gay friend) Matt, furiously, “YOU HAVE TO COME TO THE REASON RALLY WITH ME!” His response, “I have to work Saturday.” My practical advice, “Call in sick.” After much persuading he agreed to go.

Things quickly progressed. I had arranged to change my brakes on my car that night with my FWB, so I headed there after work. That was a terrible experience, by the way. We argued, put each other down, and rolled our eyes. I complained about getting my hands dirty. He complained about my unwillingness to work hard. It was awful. To top it all off, at one point a motor came crashing down off a high shelf and crushed my Blackberry. I cried. A lot.

SIDE NOTE: Don’t ever get a FWB that doesn’t enjoy your company outside of the bed.

Matt and I showed up at our pick-up location an hour early so we would be assured a good seat on the bus. That plan backfired once we found out the bus was going to be two hours late. TWO HOURS! Luckily, atheists are the coolest people you would ever meet, so I had a blast having intelligent, albeit sarcastic, conversation with fellow non-believers. The whole time I was standing there, in the rain, I just kept thinking how happy I was. These people shared my interests and I’ve never really had that before.


Waiting in the parking lot at 1 a.m. in the rain.

The crowd learned about me pretty quickly. What does that mean? Oh, just that I like to date men who are divorced, in their 30’s, and carry a lot of emotional baggage. With that comment, I got a bite. Enter Sex Breakfast Tim. Tim was in his late 30’s, from Chicago, divorced from his “whore of a wife” and has a 12 year-old daughter. He noticed me, I noticed him. He fit my criteria. I fit his criteria; I had a vagina. I assume that is all he was looking for. I will come back to Sex Breakfast Tim later.

Matt and I act like we are drunk on wine when we are around each other. Everyone on the 6 hour bus ride HATED us. We were loud, took pictures, and laughed…A LOT. When we finally arrived in D.C. Matt and I were exhausted from only getting an hour or two of bus sleep.


After HOURS of taking bus pictures we finally got photo bombed.

The Reason Rally was amazing. I read that over 30,000 people showed up for the rally, which is an incredible number to read, because as I was there I felt like there were only a few hundred people. Hilarious signs, fun conversation, and incredible atheist activists. Matt, Arianne (our friend from Philly), and myself stood in the rain for 5+ hours, listening to moving speeches, hilarious commentary, and uplifting remarks. At one point we left the rally to get coffee and I wore my “This is What an Atheist Looks Like” sign. I never felt so judged in my entire life. People stared, looked angrily in my direction. This HAS to change. It MUST change. A big saying of the day was “Out of the closet Atheist.” I am no longer going to be ashamed of my rational beliefs.


We represented our views!


Such an amazing day!


The weather was pretty miserable. But wow, what a day.

Boarding the bus, we were exhausted and wet but super excited we were part of something so huge. Once we arrived back in Akron Matt and I started saying our goodbyes. It was bittersweet. I was going to miss these incredible people. I exchanged numbers and email with Ellen, who would later open my life up to Cleveland Freethinkers. (Ellen and I are still great friends.)


Ellen introduced me to the Cleveland Freethinkers. I am eternally grateful for our friendship.

Just as I was about to hop into my car, where Matt had already settled into, Tim sauntered his way over to me. I threw my purse in at Matt, closed my door to where Matt could still hear what was going on. I knew what Tim wanted. I rather wanted it to.

Tim: Well, Jayne, I’m really glad I got to meet you and Matt.

Me: Oh, me too! We had a lot of fun. It’s too bad we didn’t get to hang out more.

Tim: Yeah, me too. You know, I have an idea. I don’t want to come off as…well, it’s just an idea. Don’t think I’m…okay, here is the idea. You know it’s been such a long day, and we didn’t get to really know each other. But I was thinking since I have such a long drive ahead of me that maybe, I mean, I don’t know your living situation, but maybe I could come over. I could come over…and take a shower, then we can talk or whatever…and… I would just really like to make you breakfast in the morning.

Me: (in shock, I hesitate a little) Oh wow. (I place my hand on his forearm) That sounds really nice, but I’m just crashing with a friend. It’s not even my place. That just sounds. SO. NICE.

Tim: Yeah, well. It was just an idea.

I gave Tim my number and email address. I still haven’t heard from him.

He would have showered, we would have “talked”, he would have made me shitty eggs in the morning, and he would have been gone forever.


By the way… here is Tim. In all his glory.

Close call…